Healthcare Workers Chart The Darndest Things

The following statements are said to have been written by various health care professionals, and found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records.

“The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.”

“The skin was moist and dry.”

“The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.”

“I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.”

“The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.”

“The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.”

“When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.”

“By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.”

“Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.”

“On the second day knee was better; on the third day it had completely disappeared.”

“Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.”

“The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.”

“Discharge status: Alive but without permission. Patient needs disposition; therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.”

“Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.”

“The patient refused an autopsy.”

“The patient has no past history of suicides.”

“The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.”

“Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.”

“Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.”

“Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.”

“Patient’s history is insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past 3 days.”

“The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.”

“She is numb from her toes down.”

“While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.”

“Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.”

“Patient was alert and unresponsive.”